Quiet Desperation
Today I am reminded of a quote by Henry David Thoreau that says, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them,” and honestly, it leaves me unsettled a little. Or maybe a lot.
I recently retired after three decades of working as a counselor. People now seem inclined to ask this question of me in one way or another: “What are you going to do now?” Often times this leaves me thinking/feeling like I still need to be working somehow. It also leaves me wrestling with a concept I have wrestled with over the years, and that is making sense of the difference between a human being and a human doing. What does that need to look like now? [I am not looking for answers here necessarily, but it is something that I am thinking about quite a lot. Praying about. Trying to make sense of. ]
Maggie gave me a new tattoo for my birthday last week. It is just the addition of a few arrows in combination with a greek word I had inked on my forearm several years ago. And for me the arrows derive meaning from a book I read a few years back, and am now rereading, called The Last Arrow, by Erwin McManus. It has been and continues to be a challenge to me to strive to live more fully. To not get to the end of the life and have a quiver full of arrows that have never been used. That feels especially important to me now that I am in a later season of my life. Perhaps the last season. I’m not sure anyone ever lives fully in the ideal, but I am sure that it is worthy of our pursuit.
McManus says this: “The tragedy of a life that is never fully lived is not solely the loss of that one life. The tragedy is the endless number of lives that would have been forever changed if we had chosen to live differently.” This is a challenge I am attempting to take on in this new season of my life. To do it better than I did in the last season. To push toward living more fully, during this thing called retirement. And as Thoreau writes about, to not end up in the grave with the song still in me…
fourfeetsixinches 
Beautiful…
It’s great to see your “pondering” again. You have so much depth in your soul Scott. Writing and sharing it with others would definitely be a wonderful chapter of this season for you and a blessing for others to read.
Scott,
All I can say is, “Welcome to the Club.” I think you’ll find that retirement is a reward for living a life well-lived. When I first retired, I was told by a wonderful mentor that I should not “do” anything for 6 months and things will come to you. She was absolutely correct. Good things will come your way Scott. It’s rather enjoyable telling people that you are enjoying your third cup of coffee at 9:30 while still in your pj’s. Enjoy retirement and all that goes with it. Miss you and Mary. Love you all. Take care.
Bob